BB Grey–musings

I woke up with a jolt, as if an unseen hand had placed a profound secret on the lapel of my jacket.

I had dreamt of an award ceremony, perhaps the Oscars, Grammys, or Golden Globes — the details were lost in the dream’s haze. There was one clear winner, someone whose journey had been a long one, marked by missed opportunities and near victories. As he was called to the stage, the applause was like a wave, lifting him to the podium where he smiled, waved, and shook hands with the audience.

The announcer filled the space with words, recounting achievements like stories told around a campfire, but they felt hollow. At the podium, the winner was given a scroll, not an award but a message. As he tried to read it, the words were a blur to me, and he stood mute, unable to speak. The scroll bore more than his name; it seemed to tell a story, one that only he could understand. The clapping dwindled, replaced by whispers as the audience sensed something amiss. The announcer, caught in silence, didn’t know how to fill the void. The truth was clear: this was not a victory but a mission, an instruction only for him.

I awoke with a sense of urgency, feeling something had gone terribly wrong. I immediately reached for my phone, hoping to find some sign of what this could mean. I got out of bed, went to the living room to grab my prayer beads, and dialed your number. When I only got your voicemail, I hung up, choosing not to call my mother, and instead prayed for divine intervention to fix whatever was amiss.

I lay back down, fingering the beads, until I decided to make some decaf coffee. With my glasses on and the light from my neck lamp, I opened the Bible, which serendipitously opened to Jeremiah:

“Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you.”

Tears came unbidden.

After documenting my dream, I pondered if this was a special message for me. How could it be? The scripture continued:

“Do not say, ‘I am only a youth.’”

“For you shall go to all to whom I send you.”

I fought with this newfound clarity, this direction I had sought in my prayers. It felt like we spend our lives searching for what has already been given to us.