BB Grey–musings

Luna,

I’ve been an idiot. Not your garden-variety, forgot-to-buy-milk idiot, but a premium-grade, head-stuck-firmly-up-my-own-behind kind of idiot. These past months, especially this week, I’ve been about as present as a ghost at a party – technically there, but not really making an impact.

Our talk today hit me like a cold shower at 5 AM. Here I am, lucky enough to have the most amazing person in my life, and what do I do? I pull the emotional equivalent of hiding under my bed with a flashlight, wrestling with my own thoughts like they’re some kind of mental Rubik’s cube I have to solve before being worthy of you.

Truth is, I’m scared. Scared in that ridiculous way where you know you’re being ridiculous but can’t stop anyway. Like a cat afraid of its own shadow, I’ve been bouncing off walls trying to figure myself out, while you’ve been right there, probably watching this whole circus act and wondering what happened to the person you fell for.

This week has been a masterclass in how to mess up a good thing. But here’s what I know for sure: through all my emotional acrobatics and spectacular displays of relational clumsiness, my heart has been yours. Even when my head’s been lost in the clouds (or somewhere significantly lower).

I love you, Luna. Not in the greeting card way, but in the real, messy, I’m-clearly-terrible-at-showing-it-but-I-can’t-imagine-life-without-you way. I promise to do better. Not perfect – let’s be realistic, I’m still me – but better. You deserve that much and more.

Still yours (if you’ll have this lovable disaster),

me.